A letter to you

Dear Ja, man that I loved since few months ago...

At the first time, when I texted you for the second time, I left my trust in you. You called me princess its just because I dont like when you called me girl. I loved your respect, I loved how you treat me which makes me smile when read your message, especially I loved your calm voice when you talked with me in patiently. I loved who you are. That was the reason what makes me why I love you. And I still believe that God made us to meet. 

Remember that we never missed a single day without a video called and talked. We missed just 3 days because I slept.

Suddenly you texted me that we must be stop after you disappeared from me in a day. You said Iam too far. We are different in anything and everything. You said all of that by text. I tried to called you but you rejected. After many times you picked up my calls and you said goodbye. You said you are in depressed and cant talk. You dont want to us together. I push you with my question "why you did this".  And you answered it "I dont want to hurt you maybe someday I will cheating on you"

It took me 2 weeks Ja since you said that, to stop looking for answers to all the questions you left me with. I have stopped looking for justifications. I have stopped giving excuses to all the hurt you gave me. You left without a sign and it hurt so much that I began to question my love for you. I used to question my existence and if I would be enough for anyone after you. It took me so many troubled nights, fake smiles even laughs, and days fills with my anxiety to get over this. You broke me and we both know I didnt deserve any of this.

I forgive you for all of the broken promises, I forgive you for all the sad days when I cursing my existence, not because what you did was justufiable. But because I deserve peace and happy. Ja, hatred is just another way of holding on and Iam tired of having any feelings towards you. You deserve to be happy and I deserve more. It hurts me everytime when I remember what you made me go through but it hurts more to let myself burn in this hatred. I forgive you because I deserve peace, I deserve to be free from your haunting memories.

You didnt know how to love someone who would give the world to you in a heartbeat. You didnt know how to keep someone who loved with every passing second and I won't blame you for the things you did. You and I were not meant to be and I wish I realized it earlier in the very first time we met or the second time when I texted you. You will never be sorry for the mistakes you made and you will never be sorry for everything, but I forgive you Ja. Because you dont belong in my heart anymore.

I should hate you for what you did to me but I wouldnt wish that pain on anyone else. I forgive you for trying to silence my voice broke my heart trying to heal yours and I owe myself an apology for that. I hope you are happy. I hope you find peace.

Today, I decided to let go of the past because I deserve to heal and I deserve to be happy again. My heart deserves to breathe again for that I must free myself from all your stinging memories and all of the hurt you gave me. 

I forgive you hajjaj bousaid, because I deserve nothing but peace 😊

You are best from the best person that I met even you never did the bad thing to me.

I love you JA......
And I dont want to hate you :)))
I wish everything good comes to you and surrounding with lots of blessing.

Ayu,

Xoxo